How I chose to continue learning Mandarin…

When I first stepped off the plane in Chengdu, I was actually really nervous. I shouldn’t have been. I’d been here before. On holiday. I’d lived in both Beijing and Shenzhen for a number of years at that point so I was used to “China” as an Expat.

But I was coming here to study, not work. New city, new food and the challenge of learning Mandarin as well as trying to find some part-time work to keep me going. I’d signed up for a Bachelors in Chinese Language at Sichuan University, full of motivation and the belief that no matter what happened, I’d do whatever to be the top student, to prove that not only could I learn Chinese, but that I could learn it well!

That optimism lasted maybe 3 days?

By the end of the first few days, I was already completely lost. Every day we were introduced to A LOT of new characters, and I could barely remember the ones from yesterday. I’d sit at my desk in my unfurnished apartment, writing characters again and again, hoping they’d stick in my memory, yet finding my focus drifting away and not being able to remember them moments later.

The next day our teacher (who was always smiling, always laughing with us at our silly accents) would ask a question, and I’d have nothing. Because I couldn’t understand that she was asking a question. Then when I finally realised it was a question, I had actually no Idea about the answer, and even if I did… I wouldn’t have been able to say it in Chinese! I couldn’t answer even the most simple questions in class. Dictation? HAHA it’s truly hilarious trying to write a Chinese character from memory that you don’t know. It wasn’t long before I started thinking: Holy shit, Chinese really is too hard. I couldn’t even handle French in school, what the hell was I thinking?…

It was frustrating, because I was doing everything right. Like turning up, doing homework, practicing. But I literally couldn’t see any progress and I just started hanging out more with new friends that I met in class. They said they felt the same as me, but then they would always be able to answer…

One day, I told my teacher that I couldn’t keep going.

“I’m doing the work” I told the teaching assistant acting as translator, “but I still can’t understand anything you say. I don’t understand any questions you ask me, and even when I do, I have no idea how to respond. I don’t think this is working out…”

Then she just laughed.

Not in a cruel way, although i was shocked, I knew she wasn’t mocking me. She told me:

“Every year, I hear the same thing, particularly from western students. Trust me… just keep coming to class and do your homework. Nothing more. Don’t “try” and don’t think about it.”

This I could agree to, because she was proper nice… but then she continued…

“One month from now, look back at today’s work, and you’ll see for yourself.”… and this is what stuck with me, I still don’t know why.

I didn’t quit. I took her advice, kept showing up, and literally nothing changed. I just started to have a lot more fun in class and really got on with everyone there!

Then, one month later I looked back at the lessons we studied that week at the end of our first month. Saying it now of course it is obvious: The characters I thought were impossible then, well… I could read them now... Easily. Beyond easily. The questions I couldn’t answer in the textbooks? Now they felt ridiculously simple.

That first month at Sichuan University taught me something more important than tones, grammar, pinyin or characters:

The feeling of difficulty, not only does it never go away, but actually is not “difficulty” so to speak. It is a process where you are introduced to a new concept, one you have never encountered. You do not understand and that is the point. You are receiving it for the first time… With a little repitition your brain reluctantly fires up to open entirely new paths and suddenly you can not only listen, you can HEAR it. The “difficulty” never truly disappears, but it shifts. What’s painful today becomes natural tomorrow, as long as you keep going.

If you’re just starting Mandarin, don’t panic if it feels impossible. Everyone hits the same wall. What matters isn’t “talent” or “memory.” It’s showing up, doing the homework, and giving yourself the opportunity to look back at your work.

Because when you do, you’ll realise how far you’ve already come, and in the end, there’s nothing “difficult” about it.

Simply: time spent doing.